Dating While Separated: How Dating Apps Can Affect Your Divorce

Many of the questions we get in our family law office are about dating while separated. People are often surprised to learn that there are some fairly significant risks involved in dating while separated in South Carolina.

South Carolina residents have the option of filing for a no-fault divorce, or divorce on fault grounds due to some marital misconduct. As in other states, most people in South Carolina prefer a no-fault divorce: no-fault tends to be quicker, less expensive, less contentious, and allows the parties to move on more easily with their lives. In order to file for a no-fault divorce, however, you must live “separate and apart” from your spouse with no cohabitation for one year.

That requirement exists in part to keep people from filing for divorce impulsively. But it can also force people who legitimately need to end their marriages to put their lives on hold while they wait to be able to file for divorce.

Dating While Separated in South Carolina

Our divorce attorneys are sometimes asked, “Is dating while legally separated allowed in South Carolina?” Unfortunately, that’s not a question that we can answer, because there is no such thing as a “legal separation” in this state.

Whether you are separated is a question of fact: are you living in separate households? Do you intend for the separation to be a permanent one? Have you stopped having intimate relations with your spouse? If the answer to all of those questions is “yes,” then you are considered physically separated. However, if you resume cohabitation or intimate relationships with your spouse, the time that you have been separated resets to zero for the purposes of eventually filing for divorce.

Because South Carolina residents must maintain a physical separation for a full year before filing for a no-fault divorce, it’s not uncommon for people to meet someone during the course of that year whom they would like to date. It may seem harmless to begin dating while separated, especially if you are certain that your marriage is really over and you are eager to move on with your life. Before you take that leap, you should understand just what dating while separated in South Carolina can cost you.

Risks of Dating While Separated

Because there is no legal status of being “separated” in South Carolina, you’re either married or you’re not—there is no in-between. And if you are dating someone else while you are still married, there is a risk that instead of the no-fault divorce you had planned, your spouse will file for divorce based on adultery (which has no one-year waiting period).

If that doesn’t sound like a big deal to you (after all, you were planning to get divorced anyway), consider the implications. A fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery can affect the terms of your divorce, from the financial resources you have to move forward with to your relationship with your children. Here are just some of the ways dating while separated in South Carolina can affect your future.

Alimony

If you had hoped to receive alimony, also known as spousal support, you could lose it if your spouse alleges (and convinces the court) that you committed adultery during the marriage. In South Carolina and a handful of other states, adultery is a complete bar to alimony. That means no matter how awful your spouse was to you, how much more money they make, how completely over your marriage felt when you started dating someone else—you will still receive no alimony.

If you are the primary earner in the marriage and think you don’t have to worry about adultery being alleged in your divorce, think again. Marital misconduct, including adultery, is one of the factors the court may consider when deciding whether to award alimony to your spouse—and how much. In other words, your dating during separation may lead to your spouse being awarded alimony when they otherwise would not have been, or getting a larger award.

Distribution of Property

South Carolina courts also consider marital misconduct such as adultery when determining an equitable division of marital property. “Equitable” means “fair under all the circumstances.” Usually, when it comes to dividing marital property, that is close to an equal split. But if the court finds your misconduct contributed to the breakdown of the marriage or affected your marriage’s economic circumstances, it can take that into account when determining how to distribute marital property.

That said, adultery and other misconduct are not considered in this regard if they take place after the entry of a pendente lite (temporary order) in a divorce or separate maintenance action, formal signing of a written property or marital settlement agreement, or entry of a permanent order of separate maintenance or support or a permanent order approving a property or marital settlement agreement.

In short, if you are going to date before your divorce is final, you should wait until one of the above conditions is met so that your dating is not a factor in property division. But even then, you may want to wait, because it could affect other issues in your divorce.

Child Custody

Dating before your divorce is final doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person or a bad parent. But when South Carolina courts decide child custody, they consider what is in the “best interest of the child.” If the court believes you have acted immorally in dating while separated, or if it believes that your dating relationship exposes the child to harm in any way (such as if your new partner is abusive or uses drugs in front of the child), it could affect your rights to child custody and visitation.

Using Dating Apps While Separated

Perhaps the information above has persuaded you to put off dating until after your divorce is final. But is there anything wrong with creating a profile on one of the many dating apps available, or perhaps getting to know someone online while you wait to be able to date? It’s probably not a good idea. No matter how private you think your profile on a dating app is, these profiles are designed to be seen by others.

There’s a surprisingly good chance that your profile will come to your spouse’s attention—maybe through a friend, or perhaps even while they’re browsing the dating site themselves! The bottom line is that there is always a chance that they could use that information to paint an unfavorable picture of you in court. If possible, it is better to avoid dating altogether while you are waiting to divorce.

To learn more about South Carolina divorce issues or to get advice regarding your specific situation, contact Brinkley Law Firm, LLC to schedule a consultation.