Preparing for a Divorce

Divorce may be the right decision for a couple, but it is rarely an easy one. Being prepared for both the process and its aftermath can help. Filing for divorce, or even telling your spouse that you want a divorce, begins a process that is not entirely under your control. Before those wheels are set in motion, it is wise to take some steps to ready yourself for the road ahead. In this blog post, we’ll talk about how to prepare for divorce legally, emotionally, and financially.

If you are preparing for a divorce because your spouse has asked for one or served you with divorce papers, you may feel that you have been caught off guard, and you may not be sure what to do next. Even in this situation, preparing for divorce is essential—even if you feel like you will never be ready.

Whatever your circumstances, this blog post can help you put together a “divorce preparation checklist” to get you ready for the legal process and life after divorce.

How to Prepare for Divorce Mentally and Emotionally

The first step in any divorce is for one or both spouses to decide that it is time to end the marriage. This needs to be a conscious, deliberate decision. Don’t “run the idea up the flagpole” or blurt it out during a fight if you’re not certain. At best, you’ll damage trust in a marriage you may want to save; at worst, your spouse may start researching how to secretly prepare for divorce and take you by surprise.

You may think that you do not need therapy, but it is never a bad idea to schedule some sessions with a counselor before you commit to the decision of divorce. Doing so can give you some insights into what went wrong in your marriage, how to deal with your spouse during divorce, and how to navigate the process emotionally. You may also want to identify a divorce support group to begin attending once the divorce process has begun.

The same advice holds if you are not the spouse initiating the divorce. Having support systems in place are essential to getting through a divorce. Friends and family can also be helpful supports, but bear in mind that because they care about you, they may not have the objectivity you need. It’s important to be able to manage your emotions, because acting emotionally rather than rationally can complicate your divorce.

How to Financially Prepare for Divorce

There is no doubt that divorce brings with it financial stress. You and your spouse will have to divide your marital property, and one or both of you will need to find a new place to live. You may be losing your spouse’s income, or you may have to pay alimony and child support. Even in a high net worth marriage, spouses are likely to be concerned about the financial changes divorce will bring.

You can’t know what you will need during and after divorce until you have a firm grasp on your current finances. What income are you and your spouse bringing in? What are your household expenses? What assets do you have, where are they located, and what are they worth?

You probably don’t know the answers to these questions off the top of your head. That’s why it is helpful to gather financial documents while preparing for a divorce. Documents you will want to have include:

• Recent tax returns (the past three years should be enough)
• Pay stubs
• Bank statements for the last 12 months
• Credit card statements for the last 12 months
• Mortgage payoff statement
• Statements for retirement and investment accounts
• Documentation of the value of any significant assets, like artwork or jewelry
• Any prenuptial or postnuptial agreement you and your spouse entered into

Gathering documents is an important part of financial preparation for divorce, but there are other things you should do as well. If you have incurred debt, try to pay it down. If you can, begin saving up for legal fees. Get your credit report and try to improve your credit score. Create a budget so that you can begin to understand what it will cost to live separately from your spouse, either in the marital home or elsewhere.

Other Considerations in Preparing for Divorce

Advice on how to prepare for divorce could easily fill a book. There are some tips that apply to everyone, such as:

• Exercise extreme caution when posting on social media, or better yet, close your accounts altogether.
• It’s important to learn about your options for divorce, including litigation, mediation, and collaborative divorce.
• Get the best legal advice you can find in your divorce. In almost all cases, you are at a disadvantage without a lawyer. A good divorce lawyer isn’t an expense; it is an investment in your future. Experienced attorneys sometimes pay for themselves by negotiating a more favorable settlement for their clients.

While there is some divorce advice that applies generally, every marriage is unique, and you need to take the unique aspects of your marriage into account when preparing for divorce. For instance, do you have a child with special needs? Is domestic violence a concern? It helps to have an attorney who is experienced in dealing with issues that could arise in your divorce.

This is especially true if you or your spouse is in the military. While divorce is a state law issue, there are many ways in which the federal law that applies to servicemembers can affect a military divorce. Considerations include military benefits, child support, child custody, and base housing. There are many differences between military divorce and civilian divorce. It’s important to work with a military divorce attorney who understands those issues.

To learn more about preparing for military divorce, or preparing for divorce in general, contact Brinkley Law Firm to schedule a consultation.