Is Adoption Right for Me?

The decision to start a family is a momentous one. The decision of how to start one is, too. If you have been wondering, “Should I adopt a child?” you know that it’s not a decision to be entered into lightly. Chances are, everyone you mention it to will have an opinion. Some will be enthusiastically in favor, imagining only a happy family at the end of the process and glossing over potential challenges. Others may be full of doom and gloom, pointing out every possible thing that could go wrong.

The truth is, like parenthood in general, adoption has its joys and challenges; it’s rarely as easy, or as hard, as it looks in the movies. And while nothing can fully prepare you for the journey, taking some time to evaluate your needs, hopes, and motivations can help you decide if adoption is right for you.

How Do I Know If Adoption is Right for Me?

You (and your spouse or partner) are the only ones who can truly decide if adoption is the right choice for you. That said, it is often a wise move to get the support of an objective third party—a counselor—to help you think about and weigh your options. There are many options for adoption: private adoption, adoption from foster care, international adoption, kinship adoption. There are adoptions in which you and your child remain in some level of contact with the birth parent or parents, and those in which there is little or no contact.

In your sessions with a counselor, you will be encouraged to share your hopes and fears without judgment, which will help you to better understand the role they play in your decision to adopt. Some things you may think about in deciding whether and how to adopt include:

• How important is it to you to have a biological connection with a child? If you are unable to have a biological child, have you grieved the loss of this connection?
• How important is it to you to have a child who shares your ethnicity? If you adopt a child of another ethnicity, how do you feel about helping them stay connected to that culture? Will you be comfortable navigating others’ questions about why your child looks different from you?
• How important is it to you to adopt an infant? What might you be concerned about with adopting an older child?
• How important is it to you to know your child’s family medical history and background? What are you worried about if you lack some of that information?
• Are you comfortable adopting a child who has special needs or who has experienced trauma?
• What are your motivations for considering adoption?
• What do you see when you envision your future family?
• What are your fears about adoption? For example, some people worry about being able to bond with an adopted child, that the birth parents might decide not to move forward with the adoption, or that an adopted child might disrupt existing family dynamics. It’s important to voice and explore these fears.

A good therapist will encourage you to be honest with yourself about what you need and why, and help you deal with any emotional issues that could pose a roadblock to a successful adoption. You might reach the conclusion that adoption isn’t for you, or that now isn’t the right time, or that certain types of adoption will not work well for your family. But if you decide to proceed with adoption after speaking with a counselor, you will do so with greater insight and better preparation to meet the needs of your child.

Should I Adopt a Child?: Talk With an Adoption Attorney for More Information

A counselor can help you achieve clarity about the emotional challenges that can accompany adoption and help you to feel more confident about moving forward. However, there are also legal and practical issues involved in an adoption, and an experienced adoption lawyer can help answer your questions and reduce your anxiety around those issues.

Many, if not most, adoptive parents, are adopting for the first time, which means they are embarking on an unfamiliar journey. Not knowing what to expect, of course, makes an already emotional process much more difficult. Different types of adoption involve different processes, and different jurisdictions have different laws regarding adoption.

A lawyer who regularly handles adoptions can walk you through what to expect in your particular situation, and address common concerns such as:

• What adoption process is best for my family’s needs?
• How long can I expect the adoption process to take? How long should I expect to wait before a child is available to adopt?
• How much does adoption cost, and what is the breakdown of costs?
• Is it more difficult for single people, same-sex couples, or people with health issues to adopt?
• What kind of contact will I have with the birth parents during or after the adoption? What if they want more contact than I am comfortable with?
• What is involved in the home study for an adoption? How do I prepare?
• How and when are the birth parents’ rights terminated? What if they change their mind about the adoption?
• When will the adoption be finalized, and what will my rights be? What is the process to finalize the adoption?

The answer to most of these questions will depend on your circumstances. For example, the time frame and process for a private adoption will be different from an adoption from foster care. An international adoption involves issues that a domestic adoption does not.

The process of deciding to adopt can be daunting, sometimes overwhelming, but the rewards can be beyond your imagination. To get the help of a knowledgeable attorney in answering the question, “Should I adopt?” contact Brinkley Law Firm LLC to schedule a consultation.