What to Know Before Choosing a Sperm Donor

Becoming a parent is an exciting journey. No matter how your child comes into your family, you probably daydream about what they’ll look like, what their interests will be, and how they’ll change the world—and your world.

If you are choosing a sperm donor to conceive your child, you may have more control over their future characteristics than you otherwise might. For instance, you might choose a donor whose physical appearance is similar to you or your partner.

But the process of choosing a sperm donor involves much more than looks and physical traits. It involves medical, legal, emotional, and social considerations. The more thought you put into this decision, the better the outcome will likely be for you and your child. Here’s what to consider when choosing a sperm donor.

Intended Parents’ Feelings and Concerns About the Process

Some people choose sperm donation because they want to get pregnant and don’t have a partner, but there are many reasons that couples may choose to build a family through sperm donation, too. Lesbian couples often opt for sperm donation, as do heterosexual couples in which the man has a low sperm count, or wants to avoid passing on a genetic disease.

Whatever your reasons for choosing a sperm donor, if you have a partner, it’s important to make sure that you are on the same page emotionally and psychologically. Discuss your feelings with each other, including any grief over not being able to have a child that is connected biologically to both of you. Understanding and processing your feelings is an important first step on the journey.

Known vs. Unknown Sperm Donors

Another early consideration is whether you should choose a sperm donor who is known to you, or one who is a stranger. Both have advantages and disadvantages.

With a known donor, you may have the comfort of knowing a lot about the person’s personality, medical history, and other important information. If you choose a donor who is biologically related to your partner, that means your child will have a genetic connection with both parents. But there can be complicated interpersonal dynamics, especially if you and the donor develop different ideas of how involved the donor should be in your child’s life.

With an unknown donor, you can select for physical characteristics like height and ethnicity, and both you and the donor have more privacy. But your child will have less access to their medical history, and they may have unanswered questions about their identity, particularly if the donor chooses not to leave the door open to eventual contact.

Cost

The cost of using a sperm donor can vary widely. If using sperm from a sperm bank, the cost per vial may range from $400 per vial to more than $2,000. That doesn’t include shipping, which typically ranges from $100 to $300 per shipment. There are more fees if you decide to store sperm for future use; storage through a clinic or sperm bank can cost upwards of $1,000 per year.

Parental Rights

If you decide to use a known sperm donor, you will want to be certain to have a clear, thorough contract that establishes all parties’ rights and responsibilities. You will also need to take the necessary steps to establish legal parentage for an intended parent who is not a biological parent, and extinguish any parental rights in the sperm donor. This is also true for use of an undisclosed donor.

Donors who work with a sperm bank generally sign a consent form relinquishing their parental rights, but for intended parents, working with an assisted reproduction technology (ART) attorney can help provide the peace of mind that all issues regarding parental rights and responsibilities have been resolved, including termination of the undisclosed donor’s parental rights and establishment of parental rights in the non-genetic parent. This is especially important because consent forms are not legal agreements and donor’s can always withdraw their consent.

Clinic/Sperm Bank Reputation and Procedures

If you are working with a fertility clinic or sperm bank and an anonymous donor, it’s important to ask questions about how donors are screened, including:

• Screening for sexually-transmitted infections and other infectious diseases
• Screening for heritable conditions
• Donor’s donation history and known offspring; a history of repeated donation could mean your child would have many half-siblings
• Donor’s future availability, in case you plan to have another child and want your children to be full siblings
• Mental health screening; until recently, many sperm banks took only a mental health history and did no actual mental health screening. It’s important that a sperm donor be evaluated by an experienced mental health professional.

Understanding what to consider when choosing a sperm donor can make your journey to parenthood a much smoother one. To learn more, or to get help with the legal process of becoming a parent, contact Brinkley Law Firm LLC today.